Faith of a child

I glanced through and old new testament I purchased 35 years ago as a child and read with delight my early encounters with God's word. I wrote notes all over it for even at an early age I examined and challenged everything I had heard spoken or taught about God to that moment. I had to know what I believed and why I believed it!Jesus said in Matt 18 ," unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of God." I was delighted to rediscover that that childlike faith I had found at such a young age was very much still in me and a sort of arrested development had never allowed me to mature into an acceptable pharisee.

Those early exciting and fresh times with scripture postulated my current theology and position on the character of God and the world.I don't think many of my positions have changed since childhood except perhaps that God is more benevolent, kind and loving than I could have conceived at that young age.Because my understanding of him has become broader and deeper I question him less and trust him more . I am more resigned to his benevolence because at the core of my being I know him to be benevolent. So it stands to reason ,why would I not walk in resignation to the delights of my loving,caring,watchful,heavenly father who does all things well?

I find myself in less of a struggle with God for his views and mine are the same.I truly do not have an issue with the justice or integrity of God . He is good in what he does, when he does it,how he does it , and even if he doesn't do it. I can truly say with Job...,"though God slay me yet will I trust him."It's not so much that I am yielded more than another I just tend to agree with God and his decisions even when I don't like the outcome.

I am not possessed as many are with trying to bend God to my will or manipulate him to get my needs answered. There was a season in my life when I was in a perpetual state of turmoil concerning God's justice and the tension that existed
in my life was overwhelming. I struggled not only with his justice but also with his timing and methodology. I was every bit a Jacob at the Jabbock river in a struggle with God that lasted for not one but many many nights even years of turmoil questioning his integrity at every disappointment that came my way.

I still have many unanswered questions of God but justice isn't one of them. My quest now is to discern with clarity his will now that the character issue of God has been solidified in my spirit. The second part of my journey is how to bring my will into perfect subjection to his once I understand it. This part of the conflict with my flesh isn't really a trust issue with God. It has more to do with wrong conditioning and seeking comfort in sin during my struggle years while anger and neurotic obsession dominated my life.

Attempting to do or perform the will of God without trusting in his basic character is impossible and foolish. But that is exactly what most people attempt to do ; worse yet is that most contemporary teachers,churches,authors are on a quest to find the right mantra or formula to get God to do their will. Often the power of prayer is presented as a means to get what you want out of God. Whole chapters in books with themes of desire and determination in order to get the right outcome for your life with precious little about submission and repentance and how to bring our rebellious flesh into subjection to do his will. Paul said it this way," I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but the life I live I live by faith in the son of God"

Concerning the integrity and goodness of God my mind is settled as the mind and heart of a little child. No.... my problem is not the faith of a little child but the stubborn will and flesh of preteen or worse a full blown teenager.Lets not forget my hearing problem without doubt that of a ninety year old man without a hearing aid. I have hope though......" he that began a good work in me "will see it through to completion. My eyes fell on a smeared passage of that worn and tattered new testament I had written a promise from Proverbs "...Behold I will pour out my heart to you; I will make my words known to you." May my obedience to his will match my understanding of his character and integrity.

Blessed are those who mourn

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and give thanks.I awoke grateful but confused. Grateful for the fact that I still have a loving family around me and a persistent God who deeply loves me. But in my gratitude I mourn intensely for the loss to our family and me personally for this year brought loss beyond measure.So I mourn.....in gratitude yet I mourn.I mourn not for loss of business,possessions,friends,but more the loss of standing.Job's greatest misery was not the boils it was the blistering scorn that got to him. Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn for they will be comforted."My comfort is not in retribution,revenge or even for vindication.Rather my comfort is in gaining possession of my soul. Frances de Sales wrote,"....the more perfect our patience the more completely do we possess our souls."He also wrote,"By your patience you will win your soul;it is mans greatest happiness to possess his own soul. Do not limit your patience to this or that kind of injury and affliction. Extend it universally to all those God will send you or let happen to you."

" While bees are making honey they live on bitter food. We can never perform acts of greater sweetness and patience than while we eat the bread of bitterness and live amid afflictions." he finishes these thoughts with this wise counsel....."Love your own abjection"In Gal ch5 Paul writes one of the fruits of the spirit is longsuffering or as I like to think of it suffering long. But suffering without meaning is despair especially when you didn't do anything wrong. Can meaning in suffering be found when it was brought through hatred and injustice? The answer is absolutely.Jesus said "Love your enemies,bless those who curse you do good to those who hate you."Only when we practice this do we begin to possess our souls for when our focus and efforts are placed on reputation or the opinions of man we possess nothing.Loving ones enemies is the only way to perfect love itself.

Concerning our standing in society or reputation all you must do is endure a severe loss or go through the trial of your life to discover just how worthless ,shallow,meaningless and unreliable your "standing" in society really is. Our position or standing should be found in Christ alone for he alone is the only one who can validate us . Col ch3 says,"Since you have been raised with Christ,set your heart on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.Set your mind on things above,not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

1 Peter ch4 says"Therefore since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin"....and elsewhere in that chapter," do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings if Christ..." Suffering is not the greatest evil in this world sin is. Suffering is inevitable in a broken world....if you can avoid it by all means do so .But if suffering knocks on your door that is unavoidable rise to the challenge and give it new meaning perhaps it is the gateway to possessing your soul in ways you never dreamed before.....blessed are those who mourn.

Forest Wisdom

Poem "Trees are the Truest Friends"

They stand tall but not proud

They embrace wonder with open arms

They are not easily swayed

They do not run when trouble comes

They are low on empathy but

will not give advice

They are constant and offer you

shelter if needed

They are not patronizing but consoling

with their presence

They do not hoard but willingly offer

their old appendages to fuel your fire;

And so your spirit is warmed twice;

Once by their presence and twice by their fuel.

They will withhold their opinion

but grant you companionship;

Which is always the mark of a good friend.

By Rob Neuschwander

Approach each day with reverence for it is created by God and our obligation or duty is to enter each day with an attitude of awe and wonder and graciously accept the day as it is given.

Diary entry from the forest diary's Oct /9/09
"The forest is my true home. I cannot begin to describe how safe and at peace I feel here. It doesn't really matter which forest for I feel the same sense of belonging,the same peace wherever I lay my head. I feel apart of it's rhythm; The forest song of birds and chipmunks,meandering deer, and the beautiful state of peace that envelopes me here. Oddly enough I feel loved not by the trees themselves but somehow feel as though they are a caring canopy; an expressionable hug from the Almighty who ,"holds all things together by his word."Undefiled nature in her state is one of God's expressions of love. The less marred by man or altered from it's original state with less hindrance does the love of God embrace.
I am not a romantic in my assessment of nature for I also know first hand the harsh realities it can express. Marcus Aurelius said,"He would live in all ways as nature does" and I as a good Roman might add so will I!
There is no deceit in nature; no manipulation,coercion,or opinion; But rather a real and true economy of relationship. Tree with soil, light with leaf, water with flora and fauna and so on. It's relationships are perfectly tuned to the elements and the hand of God himself. Mans influence and contribution throw that balance out of kilter. In gardens and landscape we create artificial relationships contingent on our own state of being. Neurotic people produce quirky gardens,sloppy people weed infested gardens. Often our efforts to exaggerate in nature reflects our own need to express that which we do not posses; a healthy sense of intrinsic worth. An over manicured garden can express a hyper need for order outside because there is no order on the inside of a man. Some people have a haphazard garden for lack of any thought at all, just a simple need to connect with something living,green and growing where a modern culture has divorced them from anything natural."
Psalms says," The heavens declare the Glory of God, the earth shows his handiwork"
Get alone with God in nature and sense his perfection and divine attributes in what he has made.Jeremiah wrote," You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart I will be found by you saith the Lord."You can seek him and find him anywhere ......I just think it is easier and more profound when I discover him in his loving acts of creation.

Poem "A doe and her fawns"

Beauty comes softly

stepping oh so carefully

unobtrusive,casual,yet

fully aware;

Of all that is around her

two spotted fawns in tow

mimicing mother's every move.

Beauty in motion

bids grace come behind.

Not a foe do you discover

at my campfire....

but an admirer of beauty

and grace

as beauty softly ,cautiuosly

walks by.

By Rob Neuschwander


"Forest Dawn"

The forest has a luster

at new mornings kiss

unlike the shadows

of afternoons bliss;

It brightens,enlightens,

and awakens the trees;

With revelation dawning

that others might miss,

had it not been for other

plans that order my day,

I think i would bathe

in the sunshine and let it

illumine my play.

Unrequited love

Most of Shakespeare's works deal with unrequited love and the response and pain of its victims.There is a commonality or consistency in response to love rejected and it usually takes the course of anger,revenge or self pity. But when God is in the mix everything changes or should change for John the beloved wrote "We love because he first loved us.." Only when we become convinced of his permanent ,consistent and fierce love for us will we ever be able to love anyone properly for 1 Cor 13 says.."Love seeks not it's own.."

From my diary Nov/09 entry.." I have a divided heart for I wish to give all of my love but have it all return. Love that seeks reward is but a bargainer not a lover. So I diversify and divide my love and hope for a return from others and other things that if perhaps one investment fail I have another to fall back on. This failed philosophy is due to disappoint for it misses out on whole hearted single devotion which a rich love requires.

Love that is thick, substantial,and rich must have all and be all in order to be thus."

The blessing of shame

Shame is not a curse but a blessing for it reminds us of our spiritual poverty and if allowed to do it's work produces a wonderful new humility in us which ironically leads us to salvation.Our pride puts too much emphasis upon whether we deserve this or that treatment or whether we have been dealt with justly or not. Those thoughts are irrelevant to true spiritual development for if you really want or desire justice from the hand of God then you deserve death; "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and ,"the wages of sin is death".

Once again I submit an entry from my forest diary from Nov 4/09 while camped at Kayak Point near Marysville Wa...."Half shorn trees bereft of leaves with gnarly branches exposed and contrasted against a misty hued but blue sky. In gleams the morning sunshine with illuminating light which feels like melancholy."

"Perhaps I reflect on my own melancholy and failure than that which imposes upon me. I am mindful of my own failure and sin this morning and in distress wait before God to have mercy upon my self deceit. How far can his unlimited patience uphold me and bear with this faulty selfish creature that I am? Have mercy on me oh God according to your limitless mercy save me and cleanse me." Then Hebrews 4;15 came to mind as I prayed.
" For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,but we have one who has been tempted in every way just as we are -yet was without sin.Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
I wrote further..."It is as though a pattern or cycle in my head that must be broken. It usually begins with a deep reminder of shame and failure which sometimes circumvents itself and produces genuine humility, but if taken too far seeks a reprieve from the constant barrage' and onslaught of despair and then this despair seeks refuge or relief even if only for a few moments.
The answer lies not in the removing all shame for this is impossible. But rather cultivate the constant discipline of turning that shame and failure upon it's head and produce more humility. Shame therefore becomes your ally in spiritual growth if viewed as such.

Virtues of Silence

1 Peter 2;21..."Christ suffered for you leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.........When they hurled insults at him he did not retaliate;when he suffered , he made no threats. Instead he in trusted himself to him who judges justly..." Jesus often spoke louder in his silence than in anything he said but it also added incredible weightiness to his words when he did choose to speak.

Being alone and remaining in silence can teach you many things about God and yourself.Blaise Pascal said," Most of man's problems could be solved if we could learn to sit alone in a chair with our thoughts in silence ."I have found this father of modern physics to be a man of incredible insight and so I have followed his advice.

I spent Friday morning in prayer and wrote down these thoughts on the virtues of silence as they came to me.
The virtues of silence are;
1) it nurtures peace
2) it sustains peace
3) it births reflection
4) silence is wisdom's best voice
5) silence is a brooding hen that after ample time hatches life
6) silence is seldom wrong except toward injustice
7) silence is mercy's advocate
8) silence aborts judgement
9) silence is beauty with no reflection marred
10)silence sustains-giving voice cuts off
11)silence is Love's partner
12)silence listens and understands with clarity
13)silence is often judged but judges no one
14)silence is often misunderstood but seldom condemned
15)silence is often the voice of God in an angry world
16)silence has nothing to prove so requires no defence
17)silence is an open scale but voice speaks to weigh in
18)"Be still and know that I am God"stillness and silence are sisters in loving embrace
19)silence is suffering expressed
20)SILENCE CAN WALK THE LEGS OFF OF ANGER AND RAGE
21)to vent is to belie what is stewing in side...silence is it's own vent
22)he who speaks little sins little
23)retribution is harnessed with the bridele of silence
24)to break silence gives critics wings;to remain silent critic's words are denied flight
25)(silence is of first importance in spiritual development
26)silence is meditations fuel
27)silence is thought unbounded ,unhindered; speech puts fences and parameters in place domesticating thought and coralling it into a corner
28)silence is the open range of thought ; speech is the barn with meager fodder and straw
29)silence grazes in the open field ;words are manger fed
30)prudence and silence are best friends
31)silence in suffering is a badge of honor
32)silence never disrupts peace

A Fall Poem " All Is Well That Has Been Reflected Well"
by me
A season of reflection
A time of repose
A melancholy dripping into..
A pond of serene meditation
All is well that has been reflected well

Vicarious pain

We live in a culture that has rejected traditions and values that are conveyed by those traditions.Subsequently we have established a valueless culture whose common bond only appears to be commerce.Our society is estranged from itself and from one another in perfect loneliness leaving a relational vacuum with lots of emotional pain ;as Victor Frankl puts it," We've created an existential vacuum".

The intensity of emotional pain with loss of family ,loss of values leaves people few tools to deal with their own pain whereby most have opted to not deal with their pain at all but to anesthetize it with drugs and alcohol or live out the pain vicariously through the pain of others. We delight in exposing the private pain of celebrities,pop culture divas or other public personalities in order to not deal with our own.Freud's' theory of repression and its' manifestation of neurosis are epidemic and on a mass societal level unleashed.

In addition to these maladies We have become a society of hate and malice despising and punishing severely those who cannot perform in order to deflect our own anger towards ourselves. The antidote and solution is to humbly deal with our own pain and lack through the grace of God accepting his grace and love.

Henry Thoreau's Diary he writes,"Winter with it's inwardness is upon us.A man is constrained to sit down and think." Let us sit down and think .....think deeply about why we celebrate the pain of others and lets think and meditate on our own sins and run to grace for ourselves and not seek to live vicariously through the pain of others by avoiding our own