Rob Neuschwander

2011-06-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

We talk too much, listen but little, move too quickly, and all without purpose. We wish somehow to fill the empty spaces which can only be filled and satisfied with quietude. Laconic brevity will try and make wisdom the tradeoff for quietude, yet even smouldering wit will not assauge the the deep need to connect with God through the perfect humility and submission of solicitude.

There is a profundity in stillness that cannot be expressed in words. It can only be caught not taught. It is caught by intentionally pacing yourself to the same cadence as that still quiet place you have found and attempting to match it's lack of meaningless activity. Settle your heart on that which does not move. Stillness and tranquility will move you and your subsequent first motion will be done in faith and in reverence.

Motion produces chaos unless motivated by intentional design and purpose distilled in silence. Allow God to imprint on your heart his instruction. Jesus said,"My sheep know my voice." Elsewhere Isaiah said," You will hear a voice behind you saying,' This is the way; walk in it'"

Tranquility is illusive to those addicted to motion. The Psalmist wrote," Be still and know I am God"also," I have stilled and quieted my soul like a just weaned child...." Wean yourself from the nuerosis of pointless activity and allow God in quietude to speak once again to your anxious heart.

The dawn of Eden

2011-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

William Butler Yeats once wrote,"I would be innocent as the dawn". The dawn with it'virginal

view of the day portrays innocence well. For it's eyes are not yet fully open to make or pronounce a verdict upon the day dispensing neither judgement or mercy in it's inception, just pure innocence. Every dawn is a return to Eden. However , by dusk we are shut out by the flaming sword and banished by our own folly. We, like our ancient parentage of antiquity, choose to eat the same forbidden fruit- that of self awareness and knowledge outside of our creator. The revelation is always terrifying and we flee from the garden once again. We discover the same nakedness, shame, despair, and remorse. We were never created or intended to be self aware outside of God. There is no life outside of him. When we become attuned to the world created by him yet lack consciousness towards him we find we have no standing; no place in the world, all is meaningless ,void and empty. Without purpose we groan and flee in our despair.

God created us to be consciously self aware, but only within the safety of his presence. Our goal each new day should not be to ceaselessly struggle against eating the forbidden fruit but rather seek to retain the constancy of his glorious presence . In so doing the fruit will lose it's appeal and our focus becomes instead learning to cultivate his active presence and fellowship with his Holy Spirit. Only then can the, 'innocence of the dawn 'remain in you. When we are awakened to ourselves outside of him the need to meet our needs apart from him becomes oppressive and that always leads to sin and as the book of Romans says,"the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ," When we choose to walk and live outside of God we operate in an illusion that we have control of the elements around us. Subsequently we begin to think that we are God and act accordingly. In reality we are walking in an illusion for a season only to find death and calamity are at our door,the illusion is broken and we are undone.

This day I will retain and embrace 'the innocence of the dawn'. I will pursue only the knowledge of my life hidden in Christ in God. There is no self knowledge or self awareness outside of him but only an illusion. I will walk in step with my maker and converse with him in the cool of the day fearful only of being apart from his presence. I would share my heart with his limitless one. I would share my thoughts with his omniscient mind and be satisfied with what he says I cannot understand. I will name what creatures he brings me and work his garden well and lay me down to sleep a restful night in Eden.

Campfires of the homeless

2011-01-21T13:42:00.000-08:00

It all started about three months ago along the east side of the Cowlitz river,between Kelso and Lexington near the railroad tracks, a lone campfire and a tent. At first I reasoned it was a fisherman just wanting to find a nice secluded spot in anticipation of the steel head run. But each day as I passed along the highway on the west side I noticed ,whether morning or evening ,the fire never subsided and the camp began to look more and more permanent with a folding chair here and new tarp over there. As weeks progressed I saw a new fire and then another and yet another tent and tarp. My heart ached as I began to know with certainty that this was a growing homeless camp. I had stayed by those same fires most of last year in Seattle and Everett where I was working far from home trying to save money to put my wife through school and find a new place for her and I to live for we had lost our home ,business,and just about everything familiar to us except a small,sweet loving congregation where I preached on Sunday when I returned home on weekends.

I know first hand bathing in a cold river or trying to cook over a campfire with wet wood .Trying all the while to keep clean and presentable as you keep on working hoping your colleagues don't notice the campfire smell that announces your presence like a cheap perfume . The aroma always walks in front of you. Communication is extremely difficult for often campsites are remote and cell phone service spotty or worse yet ,the coverage is fine but you have no power to charge your phone.

Last fall I was camped for a week along the Snohomish river right near the heart of downtown in such a camp where a homeless man had been staying for quite some time. I was rudely awakened about five in the morning by some eager fishermen who had intended to surprise the salmon but merely surprised me as I lay sleeping on the other side of a log, salmon like I remained quiet in my sleeping bag refusing to be roused from my slumber after a rough night and a hard day's work. I awoke a couple of hours later to find a ten dollar bill in my boot that I had left by the fire and I began to cry. Kindness is a rarity for homeless people ,for cruel looks and disparaging remarks abound when your living on the edge of society. People don't know what to do with you so they either make you invisible by treating you with disregard or open contempt.

Homeless people don't want your pity neither are they all beggars, some were just like me just trying to muster a fresh start from the ashes of an economy that fell off the tracks and left them camping beside them. The new homeless don't want you to patronize them either. Just treat them with the same dignity and respect you would offer any one else. Kindness is so appreciated because it is so rare. Many have just gone through severe loss including friends ,family,spouse and former co-workers . People of faith can be especially cruel for like Job's friends they are more interested in diagnosing and assessing your condition than simply loving you back to health. The words of Obadiah v 12 ring out "You should not look down on your brother in the day of misfortune........nor look down on them in their calamity in the day of their disaster .Do not wait at the crossroads to cut down their fugitives nor hand over their survivors.

The new homeless are not drug addicts,losers,or fugitives, they are your neighbors and friends. Don't be complacent or ambivalent towards them because you have not yet been affected by this economic clamity. This carnival ride is far from over for our country and the rest of the world as food riots and the dibilitating civil unrest rocks the globe. No one is secure in this world of uncertainty.You may yet lose your home but lets not lose our humanity. I pray you will not find yourself amongst the campfires near the tracks.

Seize the present

2011-01-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite poems is Robert Frost's 'Carpe Diem'. I cherish the whole poem yet it is the latter half that always gets me........
"But bid life seize the present?
It lives less in the present
Than in the future always,
And less in both together
Than in the past. The present
Is too much for the senses,
Too crowding, too confusing-
Too present to imagine."

We would rather attempt to buy or scale all eternity rather than live fully in a single hour spiritually alive and emotionally awake to the very present moment in which we now stand .We would prefer to raid the future; invade it and ask of it the impossible rather than settle into a single moment in the present, fully aware,and fully engaged in the wonders of the here and now!We have become refugees from the present, fugitives from ourselves. The very dawning of the next conscious moment frightens us and we flee.

And so the tragedy continues where we flee the present through preoccupation with the past or fixated on the future completely disconnected ,disappointed, dispassionate about THIS moment.We try to anesthetize our minds with busyness, television,video games,or other means to avoid our own emptiness in the now. Subsequently men never really live, they merely dream of living someday or worse , they glorify and inglorious past. The Apostle Paul wrote these words," Now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation."

Hebrews chapter three quotes the Psalms with special emphasis three times,"Today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." We must learn to be present today. We live in a world of escape and denial. We go to extreme lengths to deny our; pain, sin ,guilt,failure, and numerous other emotions and feelings for fear we cannot stand the weight or burden of the moment-and so we flee; to where or to what matters not as long as we are not required to own this moment. I say let the terror fall. Feel the agony and exhume your exhausted soul. There are a thousand voices; travel ,internet,facebook,texting,vacations,preoccupation with others. Myriads of voices and exposures but only one voice that will silence all the others.....the still small voice of God through an awakened conscience.

In order to acquire the discipline of being present in the moment and cease being a fugitive from yourself , try first setting aside a day unplanned allowing thoughts, fears,and feelings that were previously suppressed to rise to the surface where they can be felt again.Rally the courage to feel the horror of that hollow feeling and emptiness once again only this time intentionally aware. Guilt will pummel you, past sin will try to bury you, despair will try to overwhelm you but hold your ground and feel it all. Anxiousness will set in and you will want to run like you are in the habit of doing or worse flee to comfort yourself with pleasure or some crazy behaviour that will
only enslave you further. In that now moment allow the anxiousness and terror to roll over you like a wave. If you remain still and conscious you have taken the first step successfully.

Take a second step and begin to write down what you feel. If random thoughts write randomly,just try to stay tuned to the present moment as long as you can. Invite God to sit beside you and let him speak. He is ever present, ever loving, ever wise, ever forgiving and ever speaking. Take all the guilt ,shame ,blame, and pain to the cross and set it all at the feet of Jesus. Look at it with him, feel the horror of your sin and allow it's terror to overwhelm you- then own it,repent of it and allow his grace ,mercy and forgiveness to roll over you. You will find yourself wanting to live each day in the present with an ever present God......Carpe Diem

New Years bonfire

2011-01-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

I spent most of the day cleaning out the barn and burning old unnecessary stuff. There is something healthy and rejuvenating about a New Years eve bonfire- out with the old ,in with the new! I find I cannot dream properly for the future whilst hanging on to the past. Heap the fuel high! Let er rip! Burn baby burn! The year is dying in the night, do not resuscitate it.Languish not at the burning flames of yesteryear's debris! Burn it to ashes, think on it no more; handle the old years nonsense but once on the way to the burn pile. Stretch out your arm full length to the flame; allow the exhausted year to warm you and dream of future joys. All that has transpired is for the best for in Christ ,"All things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose."Romans 8:28. Every loss,every victory, every mistake, every success will all be redeemed if we but submit the year to him. Old scores, old failure,old trophies, old burdens ; all in God's manifold wisdom fully redeemed and LEVERAGING an amazing future from the ashes.

But mark this.......His purpose is thwarted and faith forfeited at our resistance to let go of what we cannot hold on to. To hold onto the past is anti-faith! For faith anticipates that which is to be and must be received with an open hand not a tight fisted clutching of the relics of the past."Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.........I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me." Philippians 3 . So light a New Years fire, it may ignite your faith and get rid of a lot of baggage.

When the wind is knocked out of you

2010-12-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I finally mustered enough energy, after being quite sick, to clean out the storage area out back. To some extent it was not all physical strength which held me back. To a certain degree, the emotional courage and strength was just not previously present to deal with a whole lot of things. Sometimes I think we must just simply place some things in storage for a season before we have progressed enough in our healing and or courage to deal with stuff that represent deep pain or loss; triggers can be found in items as simple as a photo album,book or display piece or some other object that carries meaning for the handler.Often times it is misinterpreted or misunderstood as repression or denial when in reality it is neither; but rather a needful break with the CONSTANCY of the tragedy or loss; time to emotionally catch one's breath as when the air is knocked out of them. In time the regular ebb and flow of life will return and a healthy emotional balance will return in kind. But in a case of severe loss,tragedy,or intense pain sometime things are best left in storage for a while.
" There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace." Ecc 3:1-8
a time to clean out the storage shed.............

Make pretense past tense.

2010-12-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

I wish my life this day to have no shelves or boxes, display cases or any such place where things are held up or showcased as trophies,awards and nic-nacs. May my life simply be represented as it is. If simple ,then simple; if complicated, so be it. If virtue is present, it will rise naturally as cream to the top, it will be self evident. If there is leanness or shallowness to my character then all who call on me will either go away hungry or disappointed for they can find no harbor in me.I wish only to be not as I appear, but as I truly am. However, I would wish every encounter with me should be around an open fire whether inside or outside for it warms my wit and tempers my imagination to a tolerable degree.

I will have no division in my soul but be wholly present to every encounter. At 50 yrs of age there can be no hiddeness. Every aspiration,disappointment,failure,or triumph is some how etched in one's face. Lincoln once said,"Every man over age 35 is responsible for his face". He made that remark declining a position to someone in government.The reason he gave for denying that person was that he didn't like the way that person's face looked. Lincoln's assistant protested that that was discriminatory and unfair for how can someone be held accountable or responsible for the way their face looked. But he replied," Quite the contrary is true ,for we are all responsible for what we look like after midlife comes on for our character is carved in our visage."

I think him right, for if anger is present it resides in the eyes and the sternness of a brow often set. If hatred is resident, it leans the cheeks and sets the jaw; if kindness or love prevail there is a gentleness of features that age cannot efface and always the ever present eyes in which the windows of the soul can be viewed.Confidence is often masked insecurity which can be read in an instant as age shreds the curtains we have drawn. If manipulation and ploy have been the chief factors in attaining what was desired , these also are impossible to deny for they hang heavy on the forehead and circles about the eyes.Without a doubt, all that is inside will become apparent on the outside as age progresses. I think that is why I love the elder set so much; they have no time for pretense, they are what they are and they know it. All the wasted energy put out for appearance,image,and projection are all a mute point.

Why not skip pretense all together? Why not strip our image in our youth and be who we are?Take down your shelves and cabinets filled with paper trophies. Throw out the ornamental boxes with hidden false treasures and lets encounter one another with grace.Make pretense past tense . Enjoy one another for who they are, not what you would have them be or try to become what you think they would receive you to be. Be authentic yet ever striving to be authentically virtuous.@ Corinthians 10:18 " For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved , but the one whom the Lord commends"

Suffering in doses

2010-12-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

Wisdom learned in suffering is beyond academic or even remedial it is wisdom infused,injected into one's character as when a flu shot is given . The dose given is a small dose of the disease itself that's being avoided and thus becomes an agent in building up antibodies for future protection or exposure.Thus suffering itself is often neither penal or remedial but often becomes the protection given in small doses as a healing agent and buffer against future destruction." ...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan, to torment me. Three time I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me but he said to me,'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"2 Corinthians 12:7

Shut away

2010-12-20T15:55:00.000-08:00

I'd love to be shut away somewhere
for many days or years in the mountain air
with a fire,book and pen by the sea,
where all my thoughts take hold of me;
To drive truth into a corner,
interrogate it, force a confession;
If false no harm's done, I will be free
from all untruth or deceiving contriviality,
But if true, humbly submit my heart
and all truth's virtues to me impart.

95 yr wisdom

2010-12-17T10:57:00.000-08:00

I recently awoke at the Washington coast in Longbeach after performing a lovely wedding ceremony for a kind older couple. The groom was a man of profound grace and sensitivity-rare for a man of his age, gentle yet strong. He exuded unusual kindness and generosity. I met his 95 yr old mother and it was apparent to me how his character came to be molded. I sat next to her at the reception and asked her what the most important thing in life was. She did not hesitate to utter," Love ,grace,kindness....and oh, don't go to bed angry." I asked," What is your favorite passage of scripture?". Immediately she answered,"1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter."

She wanted to know why I was asking these questions. I said,"I want a 45 yr jump start on the rest of my life and figured you had the privilege of experience."There was deep mystery in her emerald eyes as if she could read your mind; their brightness revealed a strong sense of presence,understanding, and grace. She spoke softly with authority," You know these things already.....now live them."She was an absolute delight with virtue self evident.

Wisdom sought is not wisdom gained .Wisdom is the practice of selected knowledge. What we throw out is as important as what we retain and choose to put into operation. May I behave as I believe or rather believe until I behave."I believe therefore have I spoken. With that same spirit of faith may we also speak...." Apostle Paul

Another typical day........

2010-12-10T22:41:00.000-08:00

I was about to enter my diary with the opening words,"another typical rainy day in the northwest...." .I stopped myself for I despise the word typical. I loathe it's every application of usage for the word itself would attempt to throw everything into an old trunk labeling all as mundane,ordinary, and unworthy of special note. I will have no mundane in my life! I wish every moment I breathe to be a moment of enchantment, magic and miracles. I desire to live every moment with the knowledge of the presence of God. Even one moment in his presence is a moment in eternity and there is nothing mundane,routine, dreary,or uninteresting about that.Every breath should be inhaled with special affection for the glory of life.

I wish to disassociate with this part of my vocabulary; mundane,typical,ordinary,routine. I wish to live each day with eager expectation of the dawn, where every evening is enchanting as Christmas eve and childlike, I approach each new day with a thrill of anticipation and joy.The very rituals of my common hours will reflect a magical celebration of life; collecting eggs from the hen house will be a life nurturing venture of worthy note, washing dishes,or morning coffee, all unique rituals to be enjoyed with the fondest relish.

Great writers like Whitman,Thoreau, Emerson, and Muir all knew how to suck the marrow out
of the moment; a turning leaf, the slight of a breeze, or the sight of a bird alighting upon the feeder. Our culture tends to breed dissatisfaction in order to motivate the masses to purchase their product which gives a false promise of a greater thrill or better comfort. The experience is never quite as good as it was promoted or displayed but just enough satisfaction acquired to anticipate another stimulating event or purchase which guarantees a a greater high or thrill.Thus we become slaves to the exterior. Our interior lives and imagination whither and suppress the real elixir which is always self brewed.

Every new stimulation begets another, and then another, for one must always have fresh excitement to remain alive. It is a gerbil's treadmill of foolish and meaningless activity. It is speed with no direction,distance with no destination leaving us ricocheting our way through life
exhausted and purposeless.

It's not the pace, it's the meaning in which we give life that counts. Meaning above all else is the milepost of our success in living. Meaning cannot be assessed until we challenge the values by which we live. Throw out all that is false and acquire new values, new paradigms,build new equations ,new math until you arrive at an equation that always ends in truth. With a fresh foundation of values revisited and meanings applied their can be no typical or ordinary day,hour or moment .

Miracles are a-foot

2010-12-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

I used to look for the glory in the extraordinary or unusual events of my life. But I have come to recognize that God works very much in the common events of everyday life. These are the things that comprise most of our days and that is wherein miracles lie. We step over a dollar to pick up a dime and miss the miracle of a sunrise or a cool misty morning hoping to find something fantastic or magical just over the horizon when heaven is at our feet and miracles are a foot as we sip our morning coffee.

We long for the future to be bright as we miss the present light and illumination that is all around us. We are looking in the wrong place for the kingdom of heaven, for Jesus said ,"The kingdom of heaven is within you....Do not say,'Here it is or there it is' " It always resides within. If we would but take the time and witness the glory, peace and pure delight that can fill us even now we would cease chasing fantasies.God is present in the common hours,this is where he is to be found. He is too present to imagine yet accessible at a whisper.Stop ,look, and listen....there are miracles a foot.

Duplistic light

2010-12-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

Arrogance and pride are such bizarre attributes. Like the sun ,so impressed with his own radiance and immanence, he is unable to view the fact that that his very light is duplistic, for in it he is the author of shadows and hidden things in the shade.To lesson the intensity would be to illumine with diffused light against a cloud or a mist; diminished ,reflected,absorbed radiance wherein all things come into view ,shadows dispersed,and darkness no longer hidden. The more brilliant the display, greater becomes the darkness.
Pharisees in their own self righteousness and self proclaimed brilliance killed the author of light."The light shines in the darkness but the darkness has not understood it." John 1:5

Lessons of the heron

2010-12-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

I watched a great blue heron remain in a still position ,motionless for over an hour in the meadow near the edge of the lake. He was poised with perfect intent and great hopes of securing food by his perfect stillness.Why should it work for him and not me? Why should he be the only beneficiary of solitude's fruit? I should feed my own soul by the same practice with eager expectation and anticipation of a great catch.

I, near quiet waters survey the landscape of my life in hopes of catching a sweet memory or a loving reflection on some former act of kindness or sacrifice, that with fresh meaning attached, will spur me on to new actions of goodness and faith. My feathered mentor exercises much wisdom in his meditative posture. His patience feeds him. For after hours of perfect quietude he strikes and feasts upon a salamander or grub then resorts back to his former position.

We can only feed our souls with the nourishment that comes from quiet and prayer. This is the place we filter and assimilate making God's values our own. Often times God's clear voice is drowned out by the clamorous shouting and incessant business of our lives. We do not need a new word from God but rather put new priority on filtering out the unnecessary and you will hear what he has been speaking to your heart all along but in a fresh hearing as though it was the first time you heard his voice.

Learn the wisdom of the heron and sit like ,"patience upon a monument", allowing your patience to feed your spirit. Isaiah says," you will hear the voice of the Lord behind you saying ,'this is the way, walk in it.' "Filter not and you will hear it not.

The heavens declare the glory of God, the earth shows his handiwork

2010-11-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

from my diary Oct 27,2010

Oh rare intimate moment of peace; peace not to be examined from afar or with a cold scholarly view of external tranquility, but a soul interaction with it; nature speaks, we reply,and it responds accordingly. The romantics called it intercourse with nature, I call it intoxicating! We cannot benefit from nature by mere observation , rather we must participate not simply study it, or passively watch but fully engage your heart and soul in conversing with the breeze, laughing in the wind; allow the very character and soul of your environs to nurture your spirit. it is God's second voice, or as written in the Talmud ,"Bath Kol". God speaks clearly, definitively,and convincingly with wisdom and splendor through his creation. All is purposeful,balanced,and integral in design." The heavens declare the glory of God and the earth shows his handiwork. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge there is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19

Death Foretells

2010-11-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

Death foretells the day of greatest vantage;
Deeds done,
All is said,
Battles won,
Now you're dead.....
But clear as day,
All is seen,
Of what has been,
Not what could be,
or will be, or maybe,
or should be ,or you'll see,
But all is settled in finality!
A vantage view
is all you'll hold,
Then truth will rise,
So be brave and bold,
for now the real
Story will be told.

"In quietness and rest is your salvation" Isaiah

2010-11-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

I submit this passage from my diary on an October morning....10-11-2010

The morning sun pries open the grey overcast dawn and triumphs by force to lighten the day; But a forced entry cannot long endure and soon winter will lock the door securely and bar its' entrance for several months. I will enjoy this welcome intruder to my lakeside retreat and hedge my bet that the day will eventually warm up and light a campfire assisting it in its' progress. Long live solicitude, in my outdoors office of pine over head, fire by my side, and pine needle carpet at my feet, and a verdant view of the meadow across the placid lake.

There is a depth to the lake I noticed yester-morn before church that still remains this mid-morning. It is due in part by the heightened water level after heavy rains all weekend, but yet more than physical depth. It is as though all the elements of God's nature in creation; goodness,beauty,peace,were all deposited into the lake having been carried in from the wind and the rain from parts unknown; droplet to leaf, leaf to fallen log, sediment to rivulet, and streams flowing in with arms and hands wide open to receive all the nutriments of life- its' core elements pooled into a reservoir of beauty and peace.

My action this day is in inaction
inaction to trivialities
noncompliance with routine
a break with meter
as I choose my own cadence
of stillest tranquility and quiet peace

Do not dare cry," loafer! "or "vagrant!", for Isaiah says, " In quietness and rest is your salvation.";and I will have my fill of his salvation. In my meditative hours I am ever fully employed in the field of thought , tilling my soil of imagination and pruning my orchard of needless limbs and actions that produce nothing but dispair. Do less and not more and you will accomplish much.Be more and search less. Leverage silence. Let all your philosophy, religion, science,be but one sentence of profound truth ,then distill it down to one word. Whisper that word often and you will arrive at wisdoms' feet. We worship speed yet crave slowness. We demand commodities yet need only bread.

All is Autumn poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-11-08T15:37:00.000-08:00

All is autumn, all is fall.
Fall is in everything;
Trees,leaves,rain,sunshine ,all
To be tempered with lifes' decline,
Less of warmth,less of sunshine,
Less of growth,less of sap,
Less of preccupation with summer hurry,
Less of tilling and spring worry,
Less of needless bustle and scurry,
As fall lays to rest
What spring and summer put to test.
Finally winter sounds off
With a flurry and a blast!

How to get Unstuck by Rob Neuschwander

2010-10-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

I have of late, discovered the value of stepping out of ones' own pain even when it is most acute. Often it is believed and practiced that when we are in pain, loaded with emotional baggage ,and our pain is at its' peak,we become stuck because we feel we must first address the pain and its' cause before taking any further step.

The problem with this type of thinking is that we lose perspective. All our efforts, energy, and focus magnify the pain and we lose all objectivity. It looms ominous over our spirits like a melancholy fog. Stepping outside of ourselves and our pain can have great therapeutic benefit especially when all that energy and effort is diverted towards the needs of someone else. The goal is not to ignore or suppress or trivialize the pain and its' cause but rather to step outside of it for a season.

What follows is new perspectives and meanings and understanding that will empower you to deal with the pain when you decide to revisit it. This is a good first step in the process of getting unstuck. You will find yourself having picked up new tools along the way when you go on your " stepping out of pain adventures".The mere excercise of "stepping out" reinforces the notion that you do not have to remain there.

If you find yourself stuck in pain unable to dislodge yourself free , give yourself permission to step out of yourself and your pain for a season and focus on someone who needs your help. Love them ,serve them assist in some way and take this promise with you.....

"Praise be to the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles , so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Cor 1:3,4

Flight of fancy

2010-05-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

To flight of fancy I will go
Though no one goes with me
Away to beauty will I run
With truth in hand
and finally arrive at justice feet

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful perhaps more so" Victor Hugo Les Miserables'

Twilight Vespers

2010-05-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

Softly fades the evening light
Birds singing holy vespers at twilight
And I in front pew, garden center ,listen with delight
A holy moment follows with quiet and still
When one last prayer bird sang a final rill
Oh glorious evening calm and free!
Be my memory healer when I look and see
Sober days and troubled ways ahead of me
Twilight vespers will be my healing memory

In Between

2010-05-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

Silence breeds the stillness calm
With breeze and wind
Seldom long.
Focus not on hurried scene,
But stay as long in that
Place in between
Awakening and engaging.
Remain at revelation long
and you will lose your song.
Engage too sudden or strong
And awakening is not assimilated.
I could be wrong........
But I advise stay in between
and life will show you what I mean.

The finished man

2010-05-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

Self assured most surely shall fall,
With greater crash his all will smash;
Confidence,arrogance,pride and all;
What remains is the unfinished man.
To perfection pain will bring a pall
To his eyes but wisdom to heart
Compassion to an art; pain his gain,
When humility shares it's shame.
That man a finished man when
........................only love remain.

Bend action to purpose

2010-05-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

Bend action to purpose with deep intent

Direct it's course.

Action without purpose plain

Will in needless motion remain

For purpose to know and fulfill

You must needs first be still

Arrogance ,prides expression

2010-05-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

Arrogance is pride's expression as a smile is the expression of kindness.
Arrogance smiles with superiority and condescension.
Humility is Love's attire equally dressed for mourning and laughter.
Laughter often sits in the lap of fools , but when humility laughs it's of
a different source.
If laughter could have integrity it is when it is birthed from humility

My prayer

2010-04-13T22:46:00.000-07:00

Heal me Lord for my wound is great.

Forgive me Lord for I have failed of late.

I want to run from the pain of my despair;

When all I truly desire is for you to repair;

All that's been wounded,broken,and failed in me.

Restore me, comfort me, give me eyes to see,

All that you're doing, repairing, preparing to be.

Forgive me Lord, for I am my own worst enemy.

Anger resides in the lap of fools

2010-04-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

Anger always has something to with our attitude towards God. For anger at its root is not mere agitation or temperament displayed or hereditary disposition. These are excuses for erratic and godless behaviour; No, anger has it's roots in a nagging sense of justice gone wrong- that is that I or someone else has not received justice or perhaps been done wrong. Outside of God there is no justice for he is the author of it; sustainer ,arbiter, judge and jury.

In order for justice to be justice it must justly be constant, not subject to cultural relevance or paradigm shifts.Constancy must be it's benchmark or else it cannot be trusted and would therefore be unjust. It must be objective- that is , outside of ourselves-since cultural swings cannot provide us with consensus ,for society is too moody and too fickle to be credible. It stands to reason, and reason alone would dictate the necessity of God for constant and objective good to exist.When men express anger they manifest their disapproval of God and his sense of justice.

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry." Brother James , half brother to Jesus Christ.

Fields of despair a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

Where are you and why are you there?
Ever dare ask the question, ever care?
Once asked, wait for the answers, better prepare,
to face what you've tried to erase,
what you cannot share:
For fear of shame,no one to blame,so light the flame
of interior light and journey where, you would never dare
go for love of truth and be willing to bare
what your search yields in the fields of despair.

Wisdom of the ancients a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

To live in purity and keep the straight way,
listen what Rabbi Mahalelel did say,
"Three things above you ,you must always know,
and virtue will follow you everywhere you shall go.
If these things remember you surely will grow,;
Remember the eye that's above you does see;
The ear that can hear you wherever you be;
And last but not least perhaps greatest of all,
written ,recorded,and remembered of thee,
to all give account to the maker of me.

Time is but a place in space a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

Robert Frost once wrote,' I could give all to time except that which I've held in my hand......that I will not part with."Some of the inspiration from that glorious poem inspired this poem .

Time is but a place in space,
that exempt from meter does erase;
leaving imagination open without measure;
thoughts,dreams ,meaning ,and pleasure.

Who for thought can time efface?
Who for courage and treasure time erase?
I will sit me down with book and pen,
open heart and journal ,venture within
the unexplored places,giving place to dream
and find what time has been hiding.
I'll discover new realms and things unseen
and adventure on where no man has been.

Henry the eighth

2010-03-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

Henry the eighth is one of Shakespeare's marginalized plays, subsequently great thoughts are forgotten. Take these verses for example:

Buckingham says,"Where you are liberal of your loves and counsels, be not loose, for those you make friends and give your heart to , when they once perceive the least rub in your fortunes, fall away like water from you, never found again."

or elsewhere in the play,"Our content is our best having"

or " Evil mens manners live in brass; their virtues write in water"

and this,"The quiet of my wounded conscience; Thou art a cure fit for a king"

Who of our age has yet found the convergence of genius ,original thought,human psychology and language all wrapped up in one man? No wonder he is a timeless titan of the English language.

Stillness and quiet a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

A prelude thought from my diary....

"Stillness is as effective as quiet in spiritual rejuvenation. The juxtaposition of both is pure elation. But is stillness an inner perception and not merely the absence of movement?
At present there is profound stillness in my soul and the house is perfectly quiet but outside the wind is quite active with intermittent showers even snow with a backdrop of prevailing sunshine. In spite of all the activity there is stillness yet.........." This is the inspiration of the poem.

Stillness and quiet

Stillness and quiet reside in my soul
though outside wind and rain take it's toll,
on limbs and trees and blossoms and leaves;
In spite of all these distractions,
there is in me a restive peace,
as after storm clouds release
their violent spray then afterward they cease.

Then calm regains it's place
with absence of motion action erase;
Stillness ensues , quiet pursues.
Storm debris left not a hint or trace,
in midst of tumultuous windy pace;
I ,peace in tact, repose in grace.

Fatal attractions a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

To willingly,knowingly act foolish
is to be the greatest fool of all.
When wisdom is spurned
and dicipline burned
be ready to crash and to fall.
A fool is known by his actions;
no difference how wise,no matter
how high or how tall you may be,
beware fatal attractions
that pull on your heart,
it's just the enemies dart
to wound you thoroughly.
When you act so carelessly
don't be so hopelessly
enamored when Mephistophles
brings you thoughts that tease
when he becons and comes to call,
no temptation has seized you
except that which is common to all.

Christmas mourn a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

Assorted hopes wrapped in uncertainty,
many a joy bound up in dispair;
much in both must faith repair,
til joy unbounded and hope fly fair.
My spirit soars again high up in the air.
But know with certainty that faith's the key
that unlocks the mystery ............
of all that binds joy and buries hope within me.

Faith is a child on Christmas morn
unwrapping,untying presents under the tree,
ever so, ever so, ever so ,gleefully.

Mountain meadow a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

I in all richness favor,
no other flavor,
none else do I so savour,
as a drink from a
mountain spring.

I crave no other thing,
but to dip my face
in a glacial chase
where no trace
of man is found
no other noise
no other sound
but gurgling ,giggling
springs abound.

Family stocks and futures a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

"Basically it's over!" a wealthy man did say.
But he never did ask me what I thought
of the economic play.

I would tell him.......
My stock in children is as good as ever,
I invested wisely and could never,
say their return was down or their dividends low,
For love, admiration, and respect pay out slow.
No quick return on manic sales of "short love"
One can't raise good stock with push and shove,
or manipulate the market with calls and splits,
Wise investments accrue daily with each hug and kiss.
A sound strategy never suddenly splits and shifts.

My way in futures looks sound and clear,
Whenever my granddaughter plays and skips near,
and sits on my lap and whispers," Papa you're dear".
No, my value in family is as good as ever,
I invested wisely and could never,
say their return was down or dividends low,
For love, admiration,honor and respect pay out slow.

April in me a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

It's about as April a day as March could be,

with blossoms full and sounds of bird and bee.

Oh, how can it be but March,

When it's so April in me?

Hatred's antidote understanding

2010-02-25T10:56:00.000-08:00

Hatred is the ugliest of emotions for it is the root of murder and mother to anger. Hatred's seed is planted in the soil of misunderstanding . As misunderstanding grows it matures into intolerance disallowing understanding a place to grow.

Where there is deep understanding there is tolerance. Tolerance can progress to acceptance, acceptance mature to benevolence ,benevolence produces kindness, and kindness in full bloom completes and finishes as the fruit of love. Therefore understanding is the genesis of love's completion.

Understanding being foundational to seed love's development, what is necessary for it to develop? Patience, listening, observing, humility,and wisdom are the green house nuturers understanding requires to become a seedling. Set it out too quickly without slowly hardening it to the elements and it will perish. No, there can be no quick tricks for raising and propagating the seedling understanding . Place the tender plant to early or in the bad soil of misunderstanding and hatred will spoil everything.

So it reasons ,that if we desire to be a people bereft of hatred and filled with love, we must cultivate understanding with it's key elements: Patience,humility,listening, observing,and wisdom. Wisdom brings all the data into emotional play.Wisdom will tell you what to do with understanding and how to use it.

Colossians 3:8 " You must rid yourselves of all such things as these; anger, rage, malice, slander.....since you have taken off your old self with it's practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in the image of it's Creator."

What I really wish to say a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-25T10:40:00.000-08:00

What I really wish to say,
that all within my mind does lay,
but voice I cannot give.
For not as thought alone reside,
but in impression live aside:
Feelings,emotions,directions,values,
meanings,nameless ghosts that do move me;
But speechless................
I strain in envy to hear their whisper.

Springuary a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-25T10:25:00.000-08:00

There is winter; there is spring.
Sometimes providence creates a thing between.
Where neither winter rules ,nor spring a scepter holds;
but blossom blooms and leaf unfolds,
and winter breeze, it quickly scolds.

Time will tell and say ,who well will win this day;
but winters cold way has fallen into decay,
and spring will have it's merry way.

Possesions a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

Why do I wish to possess what I cannot own?
For all I can ever own is a grave's debt
that I will pay some day
when my body is sown.

I can only possess my here and now
with virtues held and won;
will be all that's left
when I am dead and done.

Attitude of Spring a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

I will choose Springs attitude,
with no room for stale platitude,
But stay green with verdant mind keen;
Holding fast to deep rooted things,
always leaving room for what revelation brings.
Deep truths seldom with verbosity ring,
but truth like Robin's voice clearly sing
unmistakable melody that heralds the dawn.
I will hold fast to Springs verdant view
with obsequious wonder behold all things new.

I fuse the muse a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-25T09:52:00.000-08:00

I fuse the muse with what I choose
as imagination captains on.
Give sail to dreams, for what is,
is not as it seems.
Inspiration on the wide ocean teems
with adventure sought
Give the muse wide berth
and he will reward you with thought;
All you've sought with new truths taught.

Be ever grateful a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

Be ever grateful for the vice
that led to virtue's victory.
For vice had fled when virtue led
and I, passion's raiment shed;
When warmth of goodness virtue knew,
to seal my virtue....vice to virtue grew;
To love the good and hate the wrong;
Mercy to me ,in me, from me ,belong.

If mercy were all I knew a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

If mercy were all I knew,

I would know well enough.

For hatred's sting and revenge's ring;

Never prevails ,

When mercy avails.

Mercy is it's own justice,

Holding court without malice.

It meets out favours to the wounded

and heaps coals of fire with kindness armed;

To disarm the wrong doer and benevolence charmed

lets go his weapons of hate.

If mercy were all I knew,

I would know well enough

for hatred's sting and revenge's ring;

Never prevails.........

When mercy avails,

and falls dumbfounded into mercy's fate.

I do not wish to sleep a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

I do not wish to sleep, but sleep wishes me.
Try as I might I put up a good fight with sighs I press and plea,
For eyes too tired to see, and I so weary be.......
That drowsy nods and cloudy thoughts
all confuse my thinking cap.
I think I'll give in and just take a nap!

Robin song a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-02-22T12:26:00.000-08:00

The Robin awoke the dawn with song.............

too early for Spring,yet too much sun for Winter to bring.

How can a Robin's song be thought as wrong ?

He is a portent of Spring and sings in faith that Winter is gone.

So sing on !Sing on! Go tell it on the mountain long!

What we believe and sing , faith will bring, if we but sing along.

Know the Dawn a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

Know the dawn......
Know it completely.
If you know not dawn
at it's infancy
How will you recognize
it in it's constancy?

As stages in men,
the bard did say;
So stages of the dawn
also go by play.

Know the day
while in nurses arm.
Know the day for
it's schoolboy charm.
As mid-day lover
love it well.
Afternoon charms
as soldier to arms.
Embrace the day's fury,
but not lost in worry;
Let not mid-days battles
lose sight of the dawn.
Life is cursed with it's hurry!
Don't lose sight of all
that dawn had taught and brought

Afternoon arrives as fury does subside
leaving wisdom with," good capon-lined."
As Shakespeare did say,
"Alls Well That Ends Well"
evening concludes the day.

This day plays it's part,
and day before dusk
is a thing apart.........
A time to reflect,meditate,
and value all the day did impart.

Thus ends the day as a strange history
all bounded up in glorious mystery;
of second childhood at dusk's bequest,
thoughts return to the dawn......

If you know not dawn dawn at it's beginning,
how will you conclude the day with it's meaning?

Psalms " From the womb of the dawn you will receive the dew of your youth."

One day Holiday a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-21T15:14:00.000-08:00

I do cheat the week
in my one day retreat.
I play and think and plan
and make my day a year.
I chase away all my fear
with plans a-knew I dream
and scheme and revelation seek.
One day off may as well be a week.

Hebrews 4:9 " There remains,then a sabbath-rest for the people of God; for any one who enters God's rest also rests from his own work...."

Loss is but dross a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-21T15:02:00.000-08:00

Loss is but dross,

leaving metal refined.

Loss I do but toss,

leaving all behind.

My metal does stay,

Fire did consume all but hay

and stubble; But I and my

metal still stand erect.

Through trials God does perfect

and in his image mold,

till all that does remain is gold.

Philipppians 3:7 "Whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more , I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness

Tree of Endurance

2010-01-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

I submit this from my "Forest diaries" while working in Marysville Wa. I spent evenings and mornings camped on the Puget Sound near Kayak Point with a glorious view of the Olympic Mt's in the distance and Puget Sound at my feet.

" Broad spaces for broad thinking........I come to the beach to think widely. The forest is for meditative reflective thinking. The rivers ,meadows, beaches are for limitless applications and adventures in thought and prayer.

Thoreau does it again where he in pure genius says,'Read not the times, read the eternities. Conventionality's are in length as bad as impurities.....knowledge does not come to us by details but in flashes of light from heaven.' and, ' 'Only the character of the hearer determines to which it shall be open and to which closed. The mind can be permanently profaned by the habit of attending to trivial things, so that all thoughts shall be tinged with triviality.'

As I write and reflect I receive my own flash from heaven. There is an old fir tree I pass each morning on my way to prayer at the beach. The tree must be 4-500 years old marred by time, topless from a windstorm, burned thoroughly at the base by some severe fire a century or two previous, limbs broken.......but there it stands still living, green and growing. It stands for the wisdom of character, the victory of patience in time. Most of all, for want of possessing any defensive mechanism, it stands for patient endurance,long suffering, humility and grace.

Life has done it's worst to the tree yet it waits patiently and continues to function. It nourishes the forest with it's foliage spitting out oxygen and enriching the soil with it's used up needles,limbs and spent seed cones. With every breeze it dispenses life. What a great metaphor for serving under pressure with patience and careful endurance. I call it the tree of endurance.

My mind in prayer went to Romans 9:22 with my thoughts still lingering on the battered but enduring tree. 'What if God , choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the object of his wrath- prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy whom he prepared in advance for glory-even us whom he also called...?' Even if God chose me to be an object of his wrath to demonstrate his mercy, as in the case of the enduring tree, then so be it. He is incapable of wrong no matter how trying life and circumstances may be. Job said, 'Tho God slay me yet will I serve him', I add amen. Paul the apostle said,' Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.'

May I not be spent and used up by the trivialities and abuses of life, but mayI patiently endure with joy and cheerful service at whatever God allows me to do. I will be as wise and enduring as the old tree and without complaint take whatever life throws at me and continue to dispense life with every breeze."

Wisdom.....half baked

2010-01-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

I fell upon this from my diary entry last fall on the occasion of my birthday while camped on Flowing lake near Snohomish Wa.

"So this day's dawn will break upon me as wisdom half baked for I dare not say I have obtained anything other than a good education in pursuit of it. Wisdom is it's own reward and must be equally matched with discipline and clothed with humility. Wisdom without discipline is idle knowledge and will only puff oneself up.

In the past I have turned to wealth and it's pursuit but only to find it is a hard taskmaster. Notoriety was enjoyable,but by it's very nature is opposed to solitude and reflecting . Besides all that it sets one up as a prime target for enemies due to envy, for men cannot endure your success .

But there is value in having chased fantasy and the illusion of success. Having tested these illusions one knows personally their futility which results in experiential wisdom or rather wisdom owned. Solomon said,"Seek wisdom more than silver ,more than gold."Yet Solomon in all of his wisdom and knowledge failed to put God first. Wisdom applied should lead one closer to it's source which is Christ. The Apostle Paul said,"In Christ Jesus are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."Later in his letter to the Corinthians he says in knowing him intimately we,"possess the mind of Christ."

At this turn in the road I have decided to let wisdom bake fully and follow Paul's later advice to Timothy, " Make your ambition to lead a quiet life.....do something useful with your hands." and "Godliness with contentment is great gain.For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothes, with these we shall be content."Does wisdom necessitate simplicity? Or is simplicity wisdom itself by intentionally choosing,"less is more" Thoreau,Gandhi,Rousseau and Jesus thought so.

Our quest for any sort of certitude on any level ,(outside of Christ),is absurd . Tolstoy was obsessed with the transitory nature of life and it's constant endless motion. To place our peace and tranquility on having a slice of the pie of this life unchanged is setting oneself up for disappointment. " Certitude is mortals worst enemy",so said the bard. Macbeth is the tragedy of our quest for certitude and in yielding to it's call we must conclude with the story that," His illusion led to his confusion"Our pursuit of certitude on all levels is equally absurd, but worse, for in chasing it we follow Macbeth's tragedy and fulfill our own doom in our quest.

"I consider all things rubbish compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus."Thus spoke Paul on the futility not only of half baked wisdom but in all things certain outside of Christ.Man was never intended or designed to have anything outside of God himself. But because our sin separated us from him we have cultivated self will and self determinism. Evangelicalism has failed in it's mission to identify ourselves solely in Christ the author of wisdom.
Man was never intended to have self knowledge or wisdom of anything outside of God. We came up with foolish postulations and maxims like ;my personal saviour,my gifting ,my anointing all predicated on self will and self knowledge ;self this and self that. But Paul makes clear that,"I no longer live ...the life I live I live by faith in the son of God." And,"Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why as though you still belong to it do you submit to it's rules?"Elsewhere in Colossians,"You died and and your life is now hid with Christ in God."

It is apparent from scripture and some of the world's greatest thinkers that our mission and quest for wealth,notoriety,position or power are all illusions sure to disappoint. Truly what we are after is a measure of certainty in this life and we falsely believe these things will help bring us closer to some level of certitude. This can never be for God desires to be our only certainty and any knowledge or wisdom exercised outside of him is simply.....wisdom half baked.

Jerusalem Diary

2010-01-04T18:20:00.000-08:00

Psalm 122:2 "Our feet are standing in your gates,O Jerusalem. Jerusalem is built like a city that is closely compacted together."

Thoughts from my diary while in Jerusalem Israel..........

Sunrise in Jerusalem is unlike anything I've ever experienced. This is not a place to visit it is rather a thing that happens to you as you walk it's streets and narrow corridors teeming with life.

It's people are it's treasure as much or more than it's history or architecture. It is a unique juxtaposition of cultures, religion,and history. The city is part "Trick or treat",part "Fourth of July", part hate, part love, universal with a narrow twist. It is religious and cultural and ethnic tolerance at gunpoint; a city divided yet united; a clash of cultures and a melding of cultures.

This is not a place to be visited in the casual sense; it is neither inviting you nor rejecting you. If you will allow, it will simply and profoundly confirm and challenge everything you believe about people, culture and faith.

The cheap mockery of faith is everywhere. Praying at the western "Wailing Wall", a young Hassidic man laid his hand on my shoulder to pray for me . I was touched by his expression of faith and kindness only to have my spirit and heart violated and cheapened by a more than casual request for money. He persisted though I told him I really just wanted to pray.This experience was repeated on several different occasions at the temple mount and elsewhere in the city. Various trinket, amulet and religious vendors all trying to capitalize on the mercenary fervor that can be had at faith's expense.

But in the midst of the circus like atmosphere I was struck by the sincere passion, reverence and faith by so many from all around the world. I could spend a lifetime writing of the profundity of this place and perhaps eventually I will do so.

Walking from the Mount of Olives at night I descended down the mountain through Gethsemane and it's shrines to the bottom of the Kidron valley. As I walked further into the cool , dark , and starlit night, the floor of the valley became quieted by stone walls and the smells
of orchard and grass could be inhaled and all at once I was translated into a different time and place . I walked past Absalom's tomb and tomb of Zechariah and of the kings of old. It became obvious to me that this was probably the same exact route taken by Jesus after he was arrested in the garden and hauled up the stairs to the temple where the Sanhedrin met. I wept near that place for many hours as I became acutely aware of my sinfulness and failure and felt a part of the burden that Jesus carried for me through that valley on his way to his final destination, Calvary. A caring priest saw me weeping and wanted to assist me. I motioned him away as I could only bury my head in shame and retreated into the chapel at Gethsemane where I wept uncontrollably for hours. I stained the rock of agony with my tears and felt the presence of God there comforting me.
I eventually composed my self and walked up the long hill outside the city walls back to where I was staying in the old city at the Citadel Hostel. As I climbed up the hill I heard a shot fired in the distance from Olivet where earlier in the day I had seen some unrest . Some Arab youth had set several garbage cans on fire to provoke some sort of reaction from the police.The rest of Psalm 122 came to mind....''Pray for the peace of Jerusalem; May those who love you be secure. May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels"

Purpose Unknown a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-01T23:10:00.000-08:00

In my heart and mind's eye see
God's design for me is still;
unsure,hidden,tentative,and maybe.
But revelation says he must and will purpose fulfill,
all he desires for me in his perfect will.

Where and why and when he knows full well,
Though I unknowingly his will attend.
I shall not pretend to know the end;
Simply walk by faith through dark
untraveled,unfamiliar,unfriendly ways embark.
And live by faith not by sight
with all my soul surrender to his might.

2 Corinthians 4:18" We do not look at the things that are seen.For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are unseen are eternal."

Cloudy with a chance of prayer a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

The skies misread the sacred text,

" Pray without ceasing."

For rain without ceasing was next.

So I prayed for ceasing of rain,

but no answer for my pain.

Yet again the answer did come,

but not as I had planned.

For prayer is it's own reward,

and those whose rain will never cease,

will without relief remain perplexed.

No matter how I prayed for rain to ease,

rain without ceasing was next.

1 Thess 5:17 "Pray without ceasing."Ephesians 5:20 ,"Giving thanks always for all things..."

I love verse a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

I love verse but it seems
verse loves not me.
For try as I might
I'm blinded with sight
of what could, but may not be.

Conventionality a poem by Rob Neuschwander

2010-01-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

Conventionality........
I will have none of thee
for you do not read the times

Tumultuous times demand
a new reality.
That which has been
is no more.
For darkness all around
knocks incessant at the door,
convention pretends
and lies still on the floor
as if nothing has changed.
Excuse me but all's been rearranged!
And I will not abide
convention's tide and hide.

No I'll seek new solutions
to this seasons revolutions.
Conventionality..........
I will have none of thee
for you do not read the times.

! Thess 5:2 For you yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night.For when they say,Peace and safety!" then sudden destruction comes upon them as labor pains upon a pregnant woman."

Kindness a poem

2009-12-31T19:29:00.000-08:00

Kindness a poem by Rob Neuschwander

To express kindness

is to be in his likeness;

Above all other things

most illuminating his brightness.

Matt 5;16

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and Glorify your Father in heaven."

His Will a poem by Rob Neuschwander

To be in his will.....

Often best to just be still

and know that he is God.

Endless activity and motion cannot fulfill

the perfection of his will.

There is a time to do,

But more often just to be

is all that's needed.

Silence the noisy sea

and submit to quiet's call

is better to be heeded

than incessant,ruinous noise;

Stillness and waiting for his still small voice;

to speak life and breath and hope

and passion; in these you'll find poise.

To know that you know which way

to truly go, and where and when and why

will all be answered by and by.

To be in his will

often best to just be still

and know that he is God.

Endless activity and motion cannot fulfill

the perfection of his will.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

A Dream Lost ; Vision Regained

2009-12-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

A dream lost can be vision regained; New vistas, new dreams, new values, or old values held with deeper ,true, and more meaningful passion. True loss is not the death of a dream but the loss of the CAPACITY for dreaming. Often the death of a dream will narrow the field of one's dream search.

Perhaps the death of a dream is a positive outcome when one determines he was in the wrong field all along. Having let go of what formerly held him captive he is free to once again to pursue higher pastures where vision can focus on new vistas. With new vistas come fresh perspective on the lay of the land and where to till next; cultivating his newly cleared fields with the manure of exhausted dreams thereby enriching his future with his past.

The turning of another year is a time for reflection and assigning a value to the past and dream for the future. Just remember as the Apostle Paul said,"The things that are seen are temporary the things that are unseen are eternal". The problem with dreaming is that we fixate on that which is seen . Paul makes it clear we should be looking higher all along. Thoreau said," We should build our castles in the air then put foundations under them."

This year I dream of being;

* A man of peace
*A man of prayer
*A man of integrity
*A man of insight
*A man known for his kindness
*A man known for his generosity
*A man of enduring empathy
*A man of abiding grace
*A man of deep understanding and subsequent patience
*A loving man
*A selfless man
*A sacrificial man
*A man noble in intent and action

May God help me build foundations under my dreams.......

Duplicity ; the Conflict between Belief and Conviction

2009-12-27T22:03:00.000-08:00

Duplicity is a disease of our culture and times. To say we believe in one thing and do another is duplitious and a characteristic that has lead to the compartmentalization of our lives with integrity alienated from our being. For to be integral is to live an integrated life where there is a flow and a blending of our deeply held values and convictions into our actions. We fail to be integral when our stated beliefs fall short of conviction. Duplicity is the conflict between belief and conviction.

Differences here expounded;

*Belief is when you possess the truth.
Conviction is when the truth possesses you.

*Belief is when you know it's right to forgive.
Conviction is when you become forgiveness.

*Belief is when you believe in mercy .
Conviction is when you become merciful.

*Belief is when you know the right thing to do.
Conviction is when you do it.

*Belief is the most frustrating condition when conviction hasn't settled in

I believe we are not driven by belief systems...........belief is what we hope for..........Conviction is what we do.

Brother James said,"What good is it my brothers if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?Can such a faith save him?Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.If one of you says to him,'Go I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way , faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

Belief never fed or clothed anyone only conviction can do that.Duplicity is the never ceasing argument and subsequent inaction until conviction gives legs to belief.

"We know in part ,and we prophecy in part......

2009-12-26T18:53:00.000-08:00

The turn of a new year is always a time to give value to the past and dream for the future. The problem with pronouncing judgement on the past is that we do it prematurely with partial knowledge. 1 Corinthians 13:9 says,"For we know in part and we prophecy in part....".a little further on it reads,"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully even as I am fully known." How can we give objective meaning to our past when we only have a partial or distorted view?

Here is a story that comes out of India that can assist us in this quest. I wrote this story in my own words after hearing it in various forms.The story goes thus..........

Six blind men are brought before the king in order to describe an object. It is not revealed to them what it was that they were to describe.They were simply instructed to describe the object based om what they could touch or feel. An elephant was brought in and the first of the six blind men placed his hands on the tusk and said with surety,"This is positively a pipe of some kind for it is long and tubular!"

The second blind man was then ushered in and took hold of the tail and said emphatically,"This is not a pipe! This is a rope you fool.....anyone can see that!"

After him came came the third man,"You're both wrong!" taking a hold of the elephant's leg he said," It's a pillar of some kind."

With his conclusion comes the fourth man forward saying," What are you all talking about?" He was walking underneath the beast and felt the enormous underside of the elephant," What we have here is a wall of incredible proportion. How could you all be so blind?"

The fifth blind man approached and took hold of an ear and proclaimed with confidence," This is some kind of enormous fan .....perhaps the largest I've ever seen!"

Lastly came in the sixth man who boldly placed his hand upon the trunk and said,"You are all in error. This is a tree branch of an unknown species for it's bark is soft."

Finally the king spoke up and said," You all have described the object before you in half truths with limited perspective. You are all partially right. But a half truth is an untruth when later viewed as the whole!"

A servant standing and observing to the side announced," Only the King has the full picture for he views it as the whole and from it's beginning to it's end."

The application of the story to the new year and assigning a value to our past is apparent.It is important to give meaning and value to what's transpired for Thoreau once wrote ," The unexamined life is not worth living" But be careful the value you place on it. For who knows the whole but the king?

Asaph the psalmist was tring to put a value on all that he had gone through the previous years and in his attempt to give meaning to his life and all that had transpired he said,"When I tried to understand all this it was oppressive to me....till I enterd the sanctuary of God; Then I understood their final destiny."Psalm 73. In other words with God removed from the values search or search for meaning it will be all in vain for only he knows the beginning from the end . Without Gods perspective we are as blind as the men in the parable and draw false conclusions about our life ,the future and our past making premature judgements about things we only see in part

Firelight a poem

2009-12-19T22:54:00.000-08:00

Firelight a poem by Rob Neuschwander

Late at night
by firelight
I write....

Thoughts sublime
blow through
my mind....

My memory scolds me
faults implode me
darkness is
my closest friend.

Drearier grows the hour,
my spirit does sour
as embers softly glow,
candle light fades below.

Suddenly hope falls on me
unexpected.......
with God's arm surrounding
all my fears confounding
into a mere whisper.....

My new found faith
shouts down
all that did confound me
and all is restored around me.

Psalms 23..."Yea thoughI walk through the valley of death ,I will not fear for thou art with me"

Things I know for sure

2009-12-15T22:08:00.000-08:00

Nietzsche said, "Convictions are often enemies of the truth" I have found that if you digest the truth and let it ruminate in your spirit these two will become one and the same. Here are some truths that I have come to own as my own convictions;

1) Forgiveness is easy when you choose to love (Tolstoy)
2) Anger is murder (Jesus)
3) Nothing can destroy you if you stay merciful (me)
4) Mercy triumphs over evil
5) Fidelity to love can only be maintained in humility(me)
6) Defence is irrelevant to loving for love is best nurtured in silence (me)
7) To love is more important than reputation(me)
8) Mercy is love's strength displayed(me)
9) Kindness is love's first face(me)
10)Hatred is evil
11)Anger accomplishes nothing but destruction
12)Truth is lost in an argument (Tolstoy)
13)To be broken is necessary to love perfectly
14)If we live in love we live in God (John the Beloved)
15)We love because he first loved us (John the Beloved)
16)Love sees clearly
17)We love in proportion to our faith that we are loved (Thomas Merton)
18)Integrity is an idle notion outside of love(me)
19)Prayer and loving our enemies is the highest level of victory over sin (Tolstoy)
20)One must die first to love unselfishly
21)If no Kalypto one creates apokalypto which inturn results in an apokalypse!(me)
22)Love covers,(kalypto)over a multitude of sins (Apostle Peter)
23)Love is often misunderstood
24)Silence in agony is love's perfection (me)
25)Love is predicated on a new heart and condition of the will
26)Silence speaks louder than words
27)If love is the course explanations are not necessary(me)
28)Overcome evil with good (Apostle Paul)
29)You cannot fight evil with evil
30)Slander is more cruel than death

1 Peter 3;9 "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult; be sympathetic,love as brothers,be compassionate,and humble"

Anxious heart a poem

2009-12-15T21:04:00.000-08:00

Philippians ch 4 says," Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving make your requests known to God and the peace of God that transcends understanding will guard and protect your heart and mind in Christ Jesus"

Anxious heart a poem by Rob Neuschwander

Anxious mind that seeks to know,

finds knowledge but anxious fed

and feeding knowledge peace fled

so anxious pains what knowledge bred.

The key may be to unknow

what I pretend to know

in order to release anxieties chain

and give rest to my pensive,anxious brain.

I seek no other thing a poem

2009-12-13T21:33:00.000-08:00

I seek no other thing
a poem by Rob Neuschwander

I seek no other thing
but to laugh and to sing
and think a little
about a lot.

For life is brief beyond belief
and I must know and seek not relief
for want of meaning
cease not believing;
That God is good
incapable of deceiving.
He wants what's best
so I leave all the rest
of unknown sorrows
and things unsure
to him whose confidence
I hold as
friend to friend ,I am blessed

I seek no other thing
but faith's sure ring
about my praise
of him I sing

Be not loud a poem

2009-12-13T21:27:00.000-08:00

Be not loud a poem by Rob Neuschwander

Be not loud
but in silence
crypt lie low
and listen...
Listen as if...
all else
were naught.
Only in silence is
victory caught.

"To be or not to be" or Hamlet's folly a Poem

2009-12-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

"To be or not to be"or Hamlet's folly
by Rob Neuschwander

"To be or not to be"
is not the question to ask
But what to be,how to be
This should be the task

To find a heart to heal;
Comfort to a stranger bring,
or give a hungry one a meal;
a broken soul,a song to sing.

"To be or not to be"
is not the question to ask.
But to whom or where to see,
a need to serve
a wound to heal
is all that is required
of me or thee.

Love's directives

2009-12-13T20:01:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 19:22 says," What a man desires is unfailing love." I believe all human endeavour springs from this passion and seeking to submit to love's directives should be our sole aim as a slave submits to his master. The following are love's directives and their attitudinal reflection in me;

1) Love the Lord my God with all my heart ,soul ,mind and strength
2) Love my neighbor as myself
3) Love my enemies
4) Yield to hate's blow
5) Love the unlovely
6) Love's target becomes my aim
7) Love's goal, my direction
8) Love's face,my own
9) Love's truth ,my revelation
10)Love's triumph,my reward
11)Love's command,my obedience
12)Love's rebuke,my correction
13)Love's perfection,my ambition
14)Love's look ,my sight
15)Love's confidence,my surety
16)Love's delight,my joy
17)Love's wound,my heartache
18)Love's strength,my weakness
19)Love's employ, my vocation
20)Love's kindness, my milk
21)Love's humility, my strength
22)Love's boast,my shout
23)Love's sincerity,my voice
24)Love's silence,my solicitude
25)Love's patience my clock
26)Love's memory,my imagination
27)Love's intent, my action
28)Love's embrace,my intimacy
29)Love's force,my yieldedness
30)Love's authority, my protection
31)Love's sight, my clarity
32)Love's forbearance, my understanding

God is Love...as we walk in love we move and live in God...Love never fails

Faith of a child

2009-11-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

I glanced through and old new testament I purchased 35 years ago as a child and read with delight my early encounters with God's word. I wrote notes all over it for even at an early age I examined and challenged everything I had heard spoken or taught about God to that moment. I had to know what I believed and why I believed it!Jesus said in Matt 18 ," unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of God." I was delighted to rediscover that that childlike faith I had found at such a young age was very much still in me and a sort of arrested development had never allowed me to mature into an acceptable pharisee.

Those early exciting and fresh times with scripture postulated my current theology and position on the character of God and the world.I don't think many of my positions have changed since childhood except perhaps that God is more benevolent, kind and loving than I could have conceived at that young age.Because my understanding of him has become broader and deeper I question him less and trust him more . I am more resigned to his benevolence because at the core of my being I know him to be benevolent. So it stands to reason ,why would I not walk in resignation to the delights of my loving,caring,watchful,heavenly father who does all things well?

I find myself in less of a struggle with God for his views and mine are the same.I truly do not have an issue with the justice or integrity of God . He is good in what he does, when he does it,how he does it , and even if he doesn't do it. I can truly say with Job...,"though God slay me yet will I trust him."It's not so much that I am yielded more than another I just tend to agree with God and his decisions even when I don't like the outcome.

I am not possessed as many are with trying to bend God to my will or manipulate him to get my needs answered. There was a season in my life when I was in a perpetual state of turmoil concerning God's justice and the tension that existed
in my life was overwhelming. I struggled not only with his justice but also with his timing and methodology. I was every bit a Jacob at the Jabbock river in a struggle with God that lasted for not one but many many nights even years of turmoil questioning his integrity at every disappointment that came my way.

I still have many unanswered questions of God but justice isn't one of them. My quest now is to discern with clarity his will now that the character issue of God has been solidified in my spirit. The second part of my journey is how to bring my will into perfect subjection to his once I understand it. This part of the conflict with my flesh isn't really a trust issue with God. It has more to do with wrong conditioning and seeking comfort in sin during my struggle years while anger and neurotic obsession dominated my life.

Attempting to do or perform the will of God without trusting in his basic character is impossible and foolish. But that is exactly what most people attempt to do ; worse yet is that most contemporary teachers,churches,authors are on a quest to find the right mantra or formula to get God to do their will. Often the power of prayer is presented as a means to get what you want out of God. Whole chapters in books with themes of desire and determination in order to get the right outcome for your life with precious little about submission and repentance and how to bring our rebellious flesh into subjection to do his will. Paul said it this way," I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but the life I live I live by faith in the son of God"

Concerning the integrity and goodness of God my mind is settled as the mind and heart of a little child. No.... my problem is not the faith of a little child but the stubborn will and flesh of preteen or worse a full blown teenager.Lets not forget my hearing problem without doubt that of a ninety year old man without a hearing aid. I have hope though......" he that began a good work in me "will see it through to completion. My eyes fell on a smeared passage of that worn and tattered new testament I had written a promise from Proverbs "...Behold I will pour out my heart to you; I will make my words known to you." May my obedience to his will match my understanding of his character and integrity.

Blessed are those who mourn

2009-11-26T08:12:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and give thanks.I awoke grateful but confused. Grateful for the fact that I still have a loving family around me and a persistent God who deeply loves me. But in my gratitude I mourn intensely for the loss to our family and me personally for this year brought loss beyond measure.So I mourn.....in gratitude yet I mourn.I mourn not for loss of business,possessions,friends,but more the loss of standing.Job's greatest misery was not the boils it was the blistering scorn that got to him. Jesus said, "Blessed are they that mourn for they will be comforted."My comfort is not in retribution,revenge or even for vindication.Rather my comfort is in gaining possession of my soul. Frances de Sales wrote,"....the more perfect our patience the more completely do we possess our souls."He also wrote,"By your patience you will win your soul;it is mans greatest happiness to possess his own soul. Do not limit your patience to this or that kind of injury and affliction. Extend it universally to all those God will send you or let happen to you."

" While bees are making honey they live on bitter food. We can never perform acts of greater sweetness and patience than while we eat the bread of bitterness and live amid afflictions." he finishes these thoughts with this wise counsel....."Love your own abjection"In Gal ch5 Paul writes one of the fruits of the spirit is longsuffering or as I like to think of it suffering long. But suffering without meaning is despair especially when you didn't do anything wrong. Can meaning in suffering be found when it was brought through hatred and injustice? The answer is absolutely.Jesus said "Love your enemies,bless those who curse you do good to those who hate you."Only when we practice this do we begin to possess our souls for when our focus and efforts are placed on reputation or the opinions of man we possess nothing.Loving ones enemies is the only way to perfect love itself.

Concerning our standing in society or reputation all you must do is endure a severe loss or go through the trial of your life to discover just how worthless ,shallow,meaningless and unreliable your "standing" in society really is. Our position or standing should be found in Christ alone for he alone is the only one who can validate us . Col ch3 says,"Since you have been raised with Christ,set your heart on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.Set your mind on things above,not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

1 Peter ch4 says"Therefore since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin"....and elsewhere in that chapter," do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings if Christ..." Suffering is not the greatest evil in this world sin is. Suffering is inevitable in a broken world....if you can avoid it by all means do so .But if suffering knocks on your door that is unavoidable rise to the challenge and give it new meaning perhaps it is the gateway to possessing your soul in ways you never dreamed before.....blessed are those who mourn.

Forest Wisdom

2009-11-25T21:33:00.000-08:00

Poem "Trees are the Truest Friends"

They stand tall but not proud

They embrace wonder with open arms

They are not easily swayed

They do not run when trouble comes

They are low on empathy but

will not give advice

They are constant and offer you

shelter if needed

They are not patronizing but consoling

with their presence

They do not hoard but willingly offer

their old appendages to fuel your fire;

And so your spirit is warmed twice;

Once by their presence and twice by their fuel.

They will withhold their opinion

but grant you companionship;

Which is always the mark of a good friend.

By Rob Neuschwander

Approach each day with reverence for it is created by God and our obligation or duty is to enter each day with an attitude of awe and wonder and graciously accept the day as it is given.

Diary entry from the forest diary's Oct /9/09
"The forest is my true home. I cannot begin to describe how safe and at peace I feel here. It doesn't really matter which forest for I feel the same sense of belonging,the same peace wherever I lay my head. I feel apart of it's rhythm; The forest song of birds and chipmunks,meandering deer, and the beautiful state of peace that envelopes me here. Oddly enough I feel loved not by the trees themselves but somehow feel as though they are a caring canopy; an expressionable hug from the Almighty who ,"holds all things together by his word."Undefiled nature in her state is one of God's expressions of love. The less marred by man or altered from it's original state with less hindrance does the love of God embrace.
I am not a romantic in my assessment of nature for I also know first hand the harsh realities it can express. Marcus Aurelius said,"He would live in all ways as nature does" and I as a good Roman might add so will I!
There is no deceit in nature; no manipulation,coercion,or opinion; But rather a real and true economy of relationship. Tree with soil, light with leaf, water with flora and fauna and so on. It's relationships are perfectly tuned to the elements and the hand of God himself. Mans influence and contribution throw that balance out of kilter. In gardens and landscape we create artificial relationships contingent on our own state of being. Neurotic people produce quirky gardens,sloppy people weed infested gardens. Often our efforts to exaggerate in nature reflects our own need to express that which we do not posses; a healthy sense of intrinsic worth. An over manicured garden can express a hyper need for order outside because there is no order on the inside of a man. Some people have a haphazard garden for lack of any thought at all, just a simple need to connect with something living,green and growing where a modern culture has divorced them from anything natural."
Psalms says," The heavens declare the Glory of God, the earth shows his handiwork"
Get alone with God in nature and sense his perfection and divine attributes in what he has made.Jeremiah wrote," You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart I will be found by you saith the Lord."You can seek him and find him anywhere ......I just think it is easier and more profound when I discover him in his loving acts of creation.

Poem "A doe and her fawns"

2009-11-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

Beauty comes softly

stepping oh so carefully

unobtrusive,casual,yet

fully aware;

Of all that is around her

two spotted fawns in tow

mimicing mother's every move.

Beauty in motion

bids grace come behind.

Not a foe do you discover

at my campfire....

but an admirer of beauty

and grace

as beauty softly ,cautiuosly

walks by.

By Rob Neuschwander

"Forest Dawn"

The forest has a luster

at new mornings kiss

unlike the shadows

of afternoons bliss;

It brightens,enlightens,

and awakens the trees;

With revelation dawning

that others might miss,

had it not been for other

plans that order my day,

I think i would bathe

in the sunshine and let it

illumine my play.

Unrequited love

2009-11-24T21:12:00.000-08:00

Most of Shakespeare's works deal with unrequited love and the response and pain of its victims.There is a commonality or consistency in response to love rejected and it usually takes the course of anger,revenge or self pity. But when God is in the mix everything changes or should change for John the beloved wrote "We love because he first loved us.." Only when we become convinced of his permanent ,consistent and fierce love for us will we ever be able to love anyone properly for 1 Cor 13 says.."Love seeks not it's own.."

From my diary Nov/09 entry.." I have a divided heart for I wish to give all of my love but have it all return. Love that seeks reward is but a bargainer not a lover. So I diversify and divide my love and hope for a return from others and other things that if perhaps one investment fail I have another to fall back on. This failed philosophy is due to disappoint for it misses out on whole hearted single devotion which a rich love requires.

Love that is thick, substantial,and rich must have all and be all in order to be thus."

The blessing of shame

2009-11-24T20:17:00.000-08:00

Shame is not a curse but a blessing for it reminds us of our spiritual poverty and if allowed to do it's work produces a wonderful new humility in us which ironically leads us to salvation.Our pride puts too much emphasis upon whether we deserve this or that treatment or whether we have been dealt with justly or not. Those thoughts are irrelevant to true spiritual development for if you really want or desire justice from the hand of God then you deserve death; "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and ,"the wages of sin is death".

Once again I submit an entry from my forest diary from Nov 4/09 while camped at Kayak Point near Marysville Wa...."Half shorn trees bereft of leaves with gnarly branches exposed and contrasted against a misty hued but blue sky. In gleams the morning sunshine with illuminating light which feels like melancholy."

"Perhaps I reflect on my own melancholy and failure than that which imposes upon me. I am mindful of my own failure and sin this morning and in distress wait before God to have mercy upon my self deceit. How far can his unlimited patience uphold me and bear with this faulty selfish creature that I am? Have mercy on me oh God according to your limitless mercy save me and cleanse me." Then Hebrews 4;15 came to mind as I prayed.
" For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,but we have one who has been tempted in every way just as we are -yet was without sin.Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
I wrote further..."It is as though a pattern or cycle in my head that must be broken. It usually begins with a deep reminder of shame and failure which sometimes circumvents itself and produces genuine humility, but if taken too far seeks a reprieve from the constant barrage' and onslaught of despair and then this despair seeks refuge or relief even if only for a few moments.
The answer lies not in the removing all shame for this is impossible. But rather cultivate the constant discipline of turning that shame and failure upon it's head and produce more humility. Shame therefore becomes your ally in spiritual growth if viewed as such.

Virtues of Silence

2009-11-22T22:06:00.000-08:00

1 Peter 2;21..."Christ suffered for you leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.........When they hurled insults at him he did not retaliate;when he suffered , he made no threats. Instead he in trusted himself to him who judges justly..." Jesus often spoke louder in his silence than in anything he said but it also added incredible weightiness to his words when he did choose to speak.

Being alone and remaining in silence can teach you many things about God and yourself.Blaise Pascal said," Most of man's problems could be solved if we could learn to sit alone in a chair with our thoughts in silence ."I have found this father of modern physics to be a man of incredible insight and so I have followed his advice.

I spent Friday morning in prayer and wrote down these thoughts on the virtues of silence as they came to me.
The virtues of silence are;
1) it nurtures peace
2) it sustains peace
3) it births reflection
4) silence is wisdom's best voice
5) silence is a brooding hen that after ample time hatches life
6) silence is seldom wrong except toward injustice
7) silence is mercy's advocate
8) silence aborts judgement
9) silence is beauty with no reflection marred
10)silence sustains-giving voice cuts off
11)silence is Love's partner
12)silence listens and understands with clarity
13)silence is often judged but judges no one
14)silence is often misunderstood but seldom condemned
15)silence is often the voice of God in an angry world
16)silence has nothing to prove so requires no defence
17)silence is an open scale but voice speaks to weigh in
18)"Be still and know that I am God"stillness and silence are sisters in loving embrace
19)silence is suffering expressed
20)SILENCE CAN WALK THE LEGS OFF OF ANGER AND RAGE
21)to vent is to belie what is stewing in side...silence is it's own vent
22)he who speaks little sins little
23)retribution is harnessed with the bridele of silence
24)to break silence gives critics wings;to remain silent critic's words are denied flight
25)(silence is of first importance in spiritual development
26)silence is meditations fuel
27)silence is thought unbounded ,unhindered; speech puts fences and parameters in place domesticating thought and coralling it into a corner
28)silence is the open range of thought ; speech is the barn with meager fodder and straw
29)silence grazes in the open field ;words are manger fed
30)prudence and silence are best friends
31)silence in suffering is a badge of honor
32)silence never disrupts peace

A Fall Poem " All Is Well That Has Been Reflected Well"
by me
A season of reflection
A time of repose
A melancholy dripping into..
A pond of serene meditation
All is well that has been reflected well

Vicarious pain

2009-11-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

We live in a culture that has rejected traditions and values that are conveyed by those traditions.Subsequently we have established a valueless culture whose common bond only appears to be commerce.Our society is estranged from itself and from one another in perfect loneliness leaving a relational vacuum with lots of emotional pain ;as Victor Frankl puts it," We've created an existential vacuum".

The intensity of emotional pain with loss of family ,loss of values leaves people few tools to deal with their own pain whereby most have opted to not deal with their pain at all but to anesthetize it with drugs and alcohol or live out the pain vicariously through the pain of others. We delight in exposing the private pain of celebrities,pop culture divas or other public personalities in order to not deal with our own.Freud's' theory of repression and its' manifestation of neurosis are epidemic and on a mass societal level unleashed.

In addition to these maladies We have become a society of hate and malice despising and punishing severely those who cannot perform in order to deflect our own anger towards ourselves. The antidote and solution is to humbly deal with our own pain and lack through the grace of God accepting his grace and love.

Henry Thoreau's Diary he writes,"Winter with it's inwardness is upon us.A man is constrained to sit down and think." Let us sit down and think .....think deeply about why we celebrate the pain of others and lets think and meditate on our own sins and run to grace for ourselves and not seek to live vicariously through the pain of others by avoiding our own

Spiritual Homicide

2009-10-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

Francis de Sales once wrote,"Slander is a form of triple homicide. It kills the soul of the one who speaks it,kills the soul of the one who hears it and lastly it destroys completely the one who is spoken of" Tolstoy echoes these same thoughts with these words,"Saying bad things about someone brings harm on three sides; to those about whom we speak, to those with whom you speak,and most importantly,to yourself" And so it reasons death for all three.There are no winners just loss.

One of the most maligned figures in history was slandered and attacked more than any other leader of our times even repeatedly burned in effigy in American cities across the country,yet he held his tongue and refused to answer evil with evil. He had started a mercantile business and it failed forcing him to file business bankruptcy as well as personal bankruptcy. To his great embarrassment he ran for politics in several races and failed. Throughout these devastating events he refused to speak in defence of himself for he said,"Better to not speak and be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt". The only time he did speak was not in personal defence or explanation but he rose and cried out when injustice to others was occurring even at the expense of further ridicule and persecution.His name was Abraham Lincoln and his name represents the best virtues in character .

The glorious thing about losing everything including ones reputation is that it makes us small again.My diary entry oct 8,09 while camped on the Stillguamish river "When I seek and live so as to become small I see God pictured everywhere and in everything with clarity,wonder and great beauty. When I live large or seek my own expansion I take up the whole frame and the picture is blocked by my increase in stature."Smallness is thrust upon us by a loving God who desires us to get back to basics. I wrote in my diary elsewhere..." I seek to be small...in my own eyes as well as in the eyes of others. I have spent a great deal of my life seeking to be large and live large but it is all futility and now I only seek to be small and walk in love and live love loving and and being loved.......I feel health and strength whenever I return to this place and mindset of humility,submission, and grace. Striving and pain always reappear when I seek to be large again seeking expression through reputation,possession,power and image. May love be my virtue,my defence,my attitude and practice"

Henry David Thoreau wrote..."public opinion is a small tyrant compared to what a man thinks of himself" I have spent almost the entire year working and living outdoors as a contractor in North Puget Sound area sleeping near wherever I was working along rivers,near homeless camps under bridges and in campgrounds. It has been refreshing being amongst nature for she is a friend always to be relied on. I share Rosseau's sentiments when he wrote "We feel most comfortable amongst nature for nature has no opinion about us"I have enjoyed immensely returning home on Sunday to share what I 've learned during the week with those who care to listen to man of deep brokenness.

Another conclusion I share with you from my diary while camped along Flowing lake in Snohomish Wa," Everything God allows is an act of love whether rain,pain,suffering or even death for he does all things well. Abraham said,' Will not the God of the universe do whats right?' We measure all things by our own small and selfish perspective. God does everything as an act of love from a different vantage point."

I wrote on ," The rain we curse is the blessing of God acting in a greater capacity of love for a thirsty countryside though it brings us discomfort it is his wisdom acting in love for a greater good.Cannot the same be said of much or all of our suffering that he allows even for death itself? For Jesus was glorified in the premature death of Lazarus because he had a greater good to display,therefore death was an act of love. Everything God allows is an act of his love.I think our difficulty in reconciling that reality with our experience with suffering is that we tend to personalize or individualize and isolate ourselves from Gods greater truth. Our perspective is limited,self serving, tainted and unreliable."

Therefore whatever has befallen you whether loss of business ,loss of home ,loss of loved one, loss of job,loss of reputation or in loss of all the above.Do not respond with anger or answer back with hatred.Romans ch 9 says," don't be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good ". If you're a victim of slander be a victor over evil and let humility do its work.If you're a speaker of slander repair your own soul. If you're a listener to slander you pull the trigger as well.